To light that bulb

Thanks to the weird electrical wiring in my apartment, there was a short circuit twice. And I've had to replace my light bulbs once in about every two months.

I've always wanted to be taller.. but I've never regretted my height as heartily as when I stand on my toes on the bed, stretching up and beyond my reach.. till my shoulders n neck begins to cramp.

Many a time, I laugh and tell God "couldnt You have made me just 2 inches taller"

Sometimes, after a day's work, when I try changing a bulb.. I loose my head and want to bang my fist on the wall..

I can never take a book out of the upper rack in a library without taking someone's help.., never hang on gracefully in a bus holding onto the ceiling-hugging hand-bar.., never look that elegant in a simple patiala, never tower down upon someone and look intimidating, never look down my nose upon someone i want to show contempt for :D

I never could do so many things, that so many many do, without the least effort.

U think I am kidding? There are times when I could howl over it :D

A simple bulb replace process that should have taken about 2 minutes for someone else, took me about 20 minutes.. when i tried, tried, tried and kept failing..

And why do people use rotten light shades anways and keep the bulbs close to the ceiling..

The world has no thought for us, the shorter inhabitants

Stretch-stretch-put the bulb in the holder- turn clockwise clockwise- try to pull off bulb- bulb doesnt come off, but leans in the holder at a 25-degree angle. Switch on the bulb. Doesnt light yet!!! Damn the bulb!

Again.. the whole process repeat... and somewhere, in the 15th-20th trial, lo and behold, the bulb lights n shows me the bright side of the world aka my room.

Suddenly, I feel 10 feet tall. Pity the 6 footers... they will never know that pride u feel when u light that bulb :D

Make it short!

Short sentences are powerful.
It has the power to be curt n harsh.. when sprung upon you all of a sudden it could knock the wind out of you.
It could devastate you - break you down bit by bit...
It could heal you - and grow you a halo of warmth.

I believe in short sentences.After all,its the era of the tweets.

The Way I like it..

I like my coffee warm... My orange drink chilled..
The smoothness of silk and the coarseness of white sand grains..
The green of trees and the blue of the oceans..
The ethereal clouds and the solidity of the earth..

Things r made deliberately different.
This way, you learn to value each attribute in its own place..
And they gradually become images entwined with self and a sense of normalcy..into the core of our mind...
And you wouldnt like them any other way..

I like laughter and value tears..
Incessant chatter and those moments of pure truthful silence..
Self discovery and yet like the feeling of being lost in the mass of humanity, the way a drop disappears into an ocean..
I like sensible insanity..

Contradictions, variety, opposing tastes... these are the elements which balances our natures.
Harmonizes us.. and lend an unpredictable zing to us.
Its like the splash of color that breaks monotony of a monochrome picture..
And you really wouldnt like them any other way.. :)

Simple Joys

Happiness.. not deep, tranquil, "cup-filled-to-the-brim" happiness..
That sort of happiness is driven by some strongly personal meaningful cause..
Like for eg., my brother's marriage.. when I saw him happy..
Or.. the day I got a job... My first salary... Independence!!
And a lot many more beautiful happy moments to cherish..

But that wasnt what I meant by "simple joys"..
Its those small little little happenings that somehow surprisingly adds up to brighten your day.. and give you a special feeling.

Most days I walk to my office from my apartment.
When I walk into my office campus which houses lots of other companies and buildings and industries.. the security personnel at the gate smiles at me and says a friendly comment.. like being more careful about way I cross the road.
Then I walk on.. and I see the lift operator passing by in a bicycle.. He smiles at me and tells me "be careful when u get on the lift.. if it gets stuck, I am not around to get u out of it.." and chuckles and says he was kidding..
A few more steps, and I find the cab driver, driving past me, honking a horn and giving a friendly salutation..

By the time I reached office, I was feeling great inside..

I go into the office.. and the office-chechis show comical surprise "Sooooryaaa ethiyooo" and smile.. and I say something back and laugh..
At lunch,I sit with my witty lady colleagues and we barrage each other with "goals" and more "goals".. enjoying myself immensely..
And then finally in the evening, a colleague I used to sit near to in my earlier office building comes visiting.. She is someone I've always liked.. a lively, funny girl.. She is going home.. its her last day in office... She had come to bid farewell to everyone.. She came near me.. My manager was sitting on my desk, exploring something in my PC.. I extended my hand and beckoned her and she eyed the manager side-ways and said "ivideyo.. purathottu vaa"..
So I took leave for few mins and went out of the office door..
She was in a hurry.. and hurriedly told me a few things.. her future plans of higher studies.. when classes will start.. and so on. And hurriedly gave me a warm hug and left..

I was surprised.. and it left me happy.. :)

These little little moments r like gems scattered from Heaven to me..
Life is funny.., I know people change.. relationships change..
Good friends turn against one another...
Even family bonds could deteriorate during difficult phases.
There is nothing solid or unchangeable about anything.. people, circumstances, perceptions..
But the simple joys of routine life.. whenever they happen, embrace it with all your heart and be happy..
It is the simple joys that mostly see you through life...

Never under-estimate the power of a simple nod of acknowledgment.. a friendly salutation.. a smile. What it eventually tells someone is.. "Hi.. I know this is you.. and I am glad to see you around".. and probably that could be the happiest thing that person has come across, that whole day...

No wonder Islam says that a smile is a charity.. a kind word is a charity.. Its a good deed.. It makes u happy.. and eventually it could make someone's day.. like the way mine was made today :)

Thank you God!

At the edge of an abyss

I've wandered about
And through time
With something amiss..

I've skulked around shadows
Hoping to find a shade..
Weaving a mirage..

I've edged through these mists
Lost and blinded..
Tripping and bruising..

I've walked these forlorn paths
In the dying light of a dying day
My heart ablaze..

I've wandered about
And through time
With something amiss..
Now have I reached the edge of an abyss

In this desolate darkness
I quietly wait for God's Dawn
To steal upon me and light my way

My Brother's Wedding

Just got back from my brother's wedding. Tired.. exhausted...after a long day.. stupidly and nonsensically chosen clothes that it was suicidal to wear in this killing heat... and running about.. managing short-tempers, flare-ups.. and facing several discomforts that happen when an organized event doesnt happen the way u chart it out to be (or when whatever planning was done turns out to be inadequate finally)..
I am dead tired! And I've a splitting headache!

But, b4 going to sleep,I want to capture this day in words.. something I can revert back to, in the near future..

1.My brother walking up the "aisle" - the passage from the entrance to the stage with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.. Looking handsome and happy..

2. The moment of prayer when we all prayed as a mass for happiness and blessings to befall him.. and i shut my eyes.. with an overwhelmed feeling in my heart.. of earnest prayer.

3. Seeing him stand on the stage and remembering old times when we were kids.. fighting with pillow, water, pen, pencil whatever u can think of..and knowing in my heart, the strength of the bond.

4. Hugging my new sister,and blurting out the words "Take care of my brother and guide him well"..all of a sudden.

5. Leaving him at the bride's house and waving away.. as we wheeled out of the house...

And now, hours later, I still see him walking up the aisle.. with a happy smile on his face.. And my prayers that his happiness remains eternal.Amen.

In the Circlet of Fire..

In the heart of the forest
In the dead of the night...
In so stark a silence
That fills the heart with fright.

Come and you a strange sight behold..
The dance of the deer in the circlet of fire..
Come one, come all...
To see the strange dance
The dance of the deer in the circlet of fire..

The squirrel comes out of the hole.
The rabbit pops from the burrow
The bear and the tiger too arrive
And watch in unison, the wondrous sight..

Near the thick of the woods,
In the clearing of dried grass
A solitary deer..

Within the Circlet of Fire..

It sways forward and backward
And goes round and round
Never once does it stop..
In a strange ritualistic dance, it moves around

With the resounding music of crackling flames..
The dance of the deer in the circlet of fire..
Come one, come all...
To see the strange dance
The dance of the deer in the circlet of fire..

With time, ebbed the patience and the wonder
So arose and left, the spectators
And the deer danced alone
As the fire closed in, singeing into its very own skin

With the resounding music of crackling flames..
The dance of the deer in the circlet of fire..
None saw nor felt the thud of its heart
As it danced for its life..
The dance of the deer in the circlet of fire..

Back home..

I have wandered back here yet again...
In the middle of the night.. all awake with nothing much to do..
After a long while, I come here to find my blogs preserved here... safe and sound..
I read some and smile at the momentary goofiness that would have prompted me to write some of them.. and well some other blogs that I must have written with a lot of conviction.. And the knowledge that, that conviction still lies within me... just as strongly. Some I read and I think "I wrote that?!!!".. I read the comments here, and feel part wonder that people have bothered to read what I write.. and gratitude for the encouragement that I have been fortunate enough to receive here.. through the kind words of friends and family.. Where would man be without some moral support or a pat the shoulder, especially during those tough when u tread through life with a heavy step and a burdened head..

What keeps driving me back here?
Maybe I am tired of routine life and come here wanting to write something that would create magic and make the world sit up and take notice and cry out "oh hail! Soorya... the magician of words"...
Or maybe I just want some time out.. writing away the thoughts that flit in and out of my mind at a surface layer.. so that I am free to pursue the thoughts that truly and really is me
Sometimes I come here bubbling with some funny tale.. sometimes with a disturbed soul.. and sometimes with a sobered quietened mind..

No matter where I go, no matter how many new pple I meet and talk my head out to, about all the little nothings.. and laugh and what-nots.. this is one place where I dont have to take the effort to please.. or to make someone comfortable.. or try and be comfortable myself.

The crux of the matter is,whatever the reason that finally drags me back right here, I feel I am home :)