Carrying all that baggage.. and moving on..

Was my last day at my apartment in kakkanad. My roommates were already gone.., and i had my stuff to pack and set off early next morning with a train to catch at 9:40 am.
Though I had stayed at apartments in different places and shifted numerous times, this time I was the one who was left behind. In all other places, I had my roommates to help me with the packing.., and to give me farewells and share a hug.. I was kept busy with talking and planning and action.. Now, I had an entire night to myself with a yawning hall.. void of the TV, shoe rack and all the familiar furniture.

I had time to do the packing and a lot of time to think. Our walls are painted with the pale shade of apple green, but it was the first time I noticed the brighter fern green trimmed wall edges after having lived in it for almost 2 yrs. I had always ranted about the apartment..,starting from the low-quality electric wiring done bcoz of which we had numerous short circuit instances.. Once it ruined a handy electric lamp given to be by my thoughtful aunt who knew my late-night reading habits. Then there was the rat problem.., from the fear of which I always kept my room door closed. There were so many many things about the apartment that I cribbed about.

But here I was feeling heavy-hearted.. running my hand over the bare walls of my room. I realized I had been happy in that apartment.. it was my home away from home. All along when I consciously ranted about its problems, subconsciously I was enjoying my moments there.. And now I was leaving.., undecided as to where I would be shifting to when I get back to ernakulam after a 1-week home visit.

And there lay my table with an assortment of my worldly possessions.. a small wooden jack-in-a-box thing I got from Delhi on a family trip, a Calvin & Hobbes gifted by an old friend, a painting of Calvin & Hobbes done by an old colleague when she got to know how much I enjoyed the comic strip.. This painting was stuck on my wall to cheer me up when I wake up in the morning.. and which now lay as a roll of paper after i detached it from the wall...Then a cheap plastic pink ball at the end of a string that lights up when u fling it around.., which I had got from the beach.. A lavender Tupperware tall glass which had some urukku velichenna prepared for me by my mom.. I had already shifted most of my stuff in periodical home visits done earlier.. Now with the remaining stuff, I had a tough time sorting out what things to leave behind and what to carry with me.. And as I sifted through it all.., I realized there was not a thing I could lay aside. Everything meant something.., every object had memories attached..

I dint get to sleep that night.. packing away.. resting.. thinking.. and packing away.. The next day I rolled out on an autorickshaw.. Every memory was taken care of, safe in my baggage.. weighing me down but safe and cherished.

...all those crazy whims..

Walking up the CSEZ campus road to my office, i pass a favorite walkway shadowed by comforting greens. The wind tugs at my umbrella ever so gently.. and it feels as though my wings are struggling to unfold itself and that I am about to fly. Humming the "Time in a bottle"song.. I get this funny idea that if I could just be invisible and whirl around on my feet.. it would complete that magical moment..

And it set me thinking on all those whimsical funny dreams I have nurtured over the years...

Like going to my first day of college, riding a horse boldly..., parking it proudly next to the lifeless lines of cars and scooters.. I would climb down the roof of white ambassador car parked conveniently next to my horse.. and with my head held high.. I would alight.... an instant hero :D That was me at 18.

While living in Chennai Adayar... in the Kasturibhai Nagar Road.. right opposite to the Gandhi Nagar rode where you had the Odyssey gift shop, Naidu hall, Kumarakom restaurant, Food world... Both these roads were situated on the sides of service roads parallel to the very busy main roads. We crossed the road countless times.., for an occasional dinner or lunch at the Kumarakom restaurant.., for an occasional kajal-sunscreen shopping at the Nadu Hall, or for the all-so-frequent grocery shopping.. Many a times.., when the signal for the pedestrians waiting at the zebra crossing goes green.., and a lot many impatient bright headlights on both sides of the road wait.., I have had the insane wish to royally do a dappaankoothu right there... or maybe stretch a bit, yawn and with all the airs of a queen.., luxuriously stride across the zebra crossing. That was me at 23.

Ofcourse its not all crazy whims..., there are so many things I want to do earnestly... before I die. From horse riding.. to wanting to climb a tree.. Places I want to visit.., gorgeous plans I want to live out with my family... And yet my crazy whims are also a part of it somehow... I mean.., none of it has really died down.. It lingers in my mind.. with a bit of wistfulness.


There is no way I would have rode a horse to the college campus.. or I would never muster enough insanity to fool around on a zebra crossing. But well, I am determined to do a whirl in the CSEZ campus.... maybe at 1 revolution per 3 minutes speed.... doesnt matter. The great thing is to try and have a "yippeee.. I did it" feel :D