Tadaang.. A broken toe..!!

"Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after"

I wasnt exactly thinking on those lines yesterday, when i tripped down the stairs and fell hard.
I felt the pain of "broken bones" to quote a recent post.. and more specifically "a broken bone".
I looked at my fore-foot and found my middle toe horribly twisted from its natural direction.
And I knew then..., at last, finally, this fall was heralding the first fracture in my life, in my 26th year..!

Well, I know that my mom must have celebrated the first day I crawled on my own.. or the first day I walked..
Though I missed out on those days, there is no way I am not going to celebrate this one.

After all, I had spend years waiting for the opportunity.. :D
I remember, I had nurtured an insane wish to make a historic entry into my college on my first day, on a horseback... daring and fearless.. I remember discussing with my brother about the technicalities of parking the horse in the car park, and descending from the horse using some nearby car as a ladder. It was a glorious dream..
The next best dream I had was going to school with either crutches or a sling around the arm. Fractures always had a fascination for me. Firstly, I had no idea how much it could hurt. I had only observed people from the outside. Secondly, there is always something heroic in trying to do the normal things of life, with something so visible a challenge like a fracture. I have had friends and cousins who have had gone through this. I have envied them, the fuss that people made about them. And also, there is that special dignity to which they arrive, when they tolerate the pain with a perceivable grimace.. and carry on their chores slowly but surely. Ofcourse, if you meant to greet your fracture with a loud howl, that wouldn't be the thing at all..!

I remember once, while I was in the 7th standard, I had prepared pretty well for my math exam.. It was Onam exams I think.. And, mom was dropping me and my friends, at the autorickshaw stand in Ulloor, when she took it to her head to move the vehichle forward owing to persistent honking of some darned vehchile behind us. Hmm, she moved the car forward , irrespective of the fact that I was attempting to get out and the tyre had partially gone over my foot. I was watching it with my own eyes.. too shocked to yell out.. to shocked to feel any pain.. but that was only momentary. And then, the pain began.. I knew I would miss my exams.. and I was upset, because I had prepared so well and because maths was one of my favorite subjects. But when I went to the hospital, they laid me on a stretcher and then, the novelty of the situation won over me. They laid me on a stretcher, simply because they had no wheel chairs; and the sight of a kid in school uniform on a stretcher, always attracts attention and sympathy. By the time I reached the XRAY room, I was basking in kind smiles, and I dried my tears and looked and felt the perfect saint.. It turned out to be only an ankle sprain and no fractures! But my mom's remorseful tears, and the neighbor's visits cheered me up a lot..

Today, I called up my friend, and she greeted the situation with an equal enthusiasm.. "If you confirm its a fracture, I will visit u with tonnes of rotten oranges" she assured me.. Those words were such comfort. I went to the doctor, full of hopes.. He examined the toe and gave it such lovely wrings that I was sure that, if the bones weren't broken before, they were sure to be broken now. I limped all the way to the XRAY room, grandly putting up brave airs of endurance. And the XRAY was done, and I was waiting in the lounge... While waiting, for a split of a second, I did wonder, that after having to endure all this pain, what if I were to be denied the pleasurable verdict of a fracture?!!! I dint get much time to worry, coz I was called to see the doctor, and there he showed me the XRAY of my forefoot and showed some line on the bone and said "see that.. its broken. Thats y it hurt that much".. and then he pulled at my toe a couple of times to dress it in plaster.. and finally after that ordeal, I limped my way out of the hospital..

I am to have 3 weeks of rest.. and a new story to talk about for 3 decades in future. 3 weeks of an excuse to just lie about and be lazy... 3 weeks of making big eyes at mommy, and getting her to serve me bed coffee.. And hopefully, my friend will come tomorrow with the promised rotten oranges.
Could life get any better??

(Note - My mother said its a cruel blog. No disrespect meant for people suffering from illnesses and real health issues. And I meant no blasphemy. Its just my way of laughing at myself)

The message of Eid and Abraham(pbuh)'s story

Have I been bitten by the writing bug? 3 blogs in a week.. after passive lapses of months..
But anyways, here it is..

It is Eid-al-Adha or the festival of sacrifice today and its 9:28am in the morning.. After an unusual bath in the early morning and after taking part in the congregation at the Chandrashekhar Nair Stadium in trivandrum at 7:40 am, I am teeming with energy and good spirit. This is a bi-annual experience for most muslims. Standing together, shoulder-to-shoulder without leaving gaps between people, gathered under a misty sky, in the cool morning.. proclaiming the greatness of God in unison, and bowing down in sujood (which is an ideal form of sashtangapranaamam - bcoz only ur forehead, the tip of ur nose, the 2 palms, the knees(2), and the feet(2) touch the ground.. when u count, it adds upto 8), it gave me an indescribable feeling of brotherhood... both of faith, and of common humanity. The Imaam of the Palayam Jamaaet mosque made a speech in which he mentioned the spirit of Abraham or Ibrahim(peace be upon him or pbuh), and the message of Mohammad(pbuh).. who taught us that : "Indeed there is no excellence for an Arab over a non-Arab, nor a non-Arab over an Arab, nor a White person over a Black one, nor a Black person over a White one, except through piety". I had always known, understood and believed firmly in equality.. and I owe this to my faith. I live in a world of double-standards, where the world celebrates the coming to power of a man of African origin, in the supposedly most civilised nation of the world, in this 21st century. I had known the history of a freed black slave Bilaal, who was the first muezzin in Islam.., the first man who sounded the call for Azaan, inviting people to prayer.. - a coveted honour for which all the companions of the Prophet vied. The Prophet himself bent down, and this black man, this great companion of the Prophet, stepped on his shoulder to climb onto the top of the Kaeba mosque, to give the first Azaan to prayer in his beautiful voice. This happened more than 1400 yrs back.. in a land which was originally full of savage immorality, drunken revelry, tribal wars, oppression and full-fledged slavery ..

Even in India, as in different parts of the world, we have different castes... we have different means of seggregating and dividing people.. means to label one superior and another inferior by birth.. and not by qualities or values.One of our family friends who is also a Muslim, narrated an incident in which he had to visit some place in tamil nadu,and had to stay at the house of a former collague of his who belongs to the so-called upper-caste.. He was told politely, that he had to wash the plate and glass from which he ate and drank.. It is another thing that when this colleague paid a visit to this uncle's house, he treated him with the same hospitality that he extends to every friend and acquaintance. In India, we have caste system and regionalism.. Somewhere in our hearts, we carry this pitiable untouchability.. Every man tries to carry within himself, some reason or means of conviction of his own superiority over the others, sometimes, its caste, sometimes its regionalism... The reason why we are a highly divided community, is because we lack the basic idea of fraternity.. of unity, of being one even when diverse.. It is this polarization that the terrorists attacking India, intend to mobilize and solidify..inorder to throw the nation into chaos and anarchy. This is also why, we as a nation, are so susceptible to dirty politics of division on the lines of religion, caste, regions..South Indians, North Indians, Tamilians, Maharashtrians,UPians, Biharis, Bengalis, Keralaits.. we all try to prove that we are better than the rest so often... its almost an unconscious trait.. Every region, every language, every religion.. has its history, has its ethnicity, has its message, its flavour to add... This rich diversity is what makes India, India..

The 49th chapter of Quran says "O mankind! We have created you from single male and female and made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another. Surely, the best of you in the sight of Allah (God) is the most righteous (God fearing) of you."
Therefore, my faith had always solidified my belief in true and not bogus fraternity and equality.Coz, we are the same God's creations, created in the same way, and the lineage of every single individual reaches back to Adam and Eve(peace be upon them).. Eid-al-Adha commences after the Hajj pilgirmage. If u have ever watched the gathering at Mecca, u will see that europeans, africans, asians people from different races, nations, continents gather together, and offer their prayers standing shoulder-to-shoulder.There is absolutely no difference whether u r rich, what race u belong to, or the color of ur skin. When they bow down in sujood before God, the face of one man would be close to the feet of the man bowing in front of him.. Its a lesson in humility also.., a lesson of loosing oneself in a mass of humanity.. This idea of fraternity, and equality is one of the several important messages of Islam as well as Eid-al-Adha.

The spirit of Eid-Al-Adha is the spirit of sacrifice. The history of a legendary heroic family.. and the history of Abraham or Ibrahim(pbuh), one of my most favorite Prophets, and also a Prophet accepted equally by the Jews, Christians and Muslims.. Ibrahim was a Prophet and he had been tested by God several times, and each time Ibrahim(pbuh) did the right thing and took the difficult decisions and obeyed God. One of the tests he had to face, was the test of sacrifice. Ibrahim had no children in his youth; he was blessed with one in his old age.. A parent would love his child dearly.. words are insufficient to describe what a child would mean to its parent. But imagine, growing old and having no expectations of a child, and then one day, u r blessed with one.. In such a situation, you would love it and value it even more..

It is God's way to test man in different ways.. One example is the test of the Sabbath day.God declared to the Jews that no work should be done on Sabbath day of the week, and that the people should spend the day in prayers, remembering Him.. The people there lived near the sea and were fishermen. God tested them by reducing the catch on the weekdays, and on Sabbath day, he made the sea waves glisten with the scales of the fish.. such was the abundance of fish on the seas in that day.. This phenomenon repeated several times.. Thus, a section of the community were tempted by this and built some construction to trap the fish coming in with the waves on the Sabbath day.. and thus disobeyed God, and they were duly punished (This part is narrated in the Chapter 2 of Quran).. It has always been God's way to test man, and prove as to who is faithful and who isnt.. And it has also been God's way to test the more faithful of His subjects with stronger and severe tests to prove the extent of the faith of His believers..

Ibrahim(pbuh) was a strong devoted man.. hence, his tests were also strong.. In a dream, God commanded him to sacrifice his dear son Ismael.(This was the dream coming to a Prophet and not an ordinary man). Accordingly, he tells his believer wife about this, and takes his son along and tells him on the way, about the sacrifice. Quran tells how the son responded, in patience and in faith.. he said that God's will should be done and that he will patiently endure this and asked his father to proceed. Ibrahim(pbuh) ties his son down and sacrifices him.. And then, God returns the boy to him intact, and tells him to sacrifice a lamb instead.. God tells in Quran, that it is neither the blood nor the flesh of the lamb that reaches God.. but the heart-felt willingness to sacrifice and obey God at all costs.. This event is the history of 3 believers.. father, mother and son.. all three of whom, willed to obey God even at personal loss.. Even during a difficult time, they remained united and subservient to God.

Sacrificing self-interest for the sake of God needs 2 pre-requisites..
1. Complete faith in God.. This means, not just a belief that God exists... It means belief in His qualities.. I know I cannot sacrifice for a God who is whimsical, who exploits His creations.. or who tortures man for His entertainment. But I know that God isnt whimsical..,He never exploits man, or delights in the suffering of man. When He demands from us, a difficult decision, He does so for good and good only. He is Merciful and Considerate. Even then, if He tests me, it is to increase my strength.., it is to make me know my own strengths better, and to know Him better.. I know God has good reasons to test me, or to exact from me a difficult task. I believe Him eyes closed.. and I know, that this would only make me a better individual.
2. Willingness to do good.. to obey. Submission. It is not enough to believe in God.. There must also be a willingness to be led by Him. To do that which is right by Him.. to abstain from wrong.. It is not my convenience or conventions that should dictate to me my rights and wrongs.. Because, very often, there is only a thin line that separates right and wrong and my judgments may not always be right.. But God, is never wrong. Emotions change.., today I feel one thing.. tomorrow another. Hence, I cannot depend on my emotions to guide me always. Worldly morals fluctuate heavily.. Yesterday homo-sexuality was'nt allowed, today it is.. Today child pornography isnt officially allowed.. Who knows how much more accomodating worldly morals will be tomorrow? No, I cannot be guided by worldly morals..because worldly morals are dictated by the convenience of the masses.. And as right is difficult, and wrong easy and as the masses usually traverse the easy path.., more often than not, worldly morals are weak. I choose to be led by God. He never varies.. His right and wrong are fixed, and always dependable. If an average man chooses to do right, and abstain from wrong at all costs, the world would have been so much more of a better place.

One simple example of such a sacrifice is the idea of charity and distribution of wealth among the masses.. On one side, we have rich countries whose people discard tonnes of processed and otherwise food stuff down the trash.. and on the other side, we have larger nations surviving on scraps..

The message of sacrifice, where we learn to think beyond our own existence, combined with the message of fraternity and equality (the ability to see our equal in an impoverished and a deprived human being) is the solution for humanity. This is the message of Eid-Al-Adha.

Bewitched by Austen

I had begun reading Jane Austen, sometime in high school. I had always felt enchanted by the plots, especially Pride and Prejudice; the characters, especially Emma and Elizabeth Jane, and the perfect Mr.Darcy..
But with time, what attracted me to Austen was her witty narrations and keen perception of the world around her. I happened to read Mansfield Park recently, both the plot and the characters arent my favorite.. But I was astounded by the solidity of Austen's observations.. and her satire and wit ofcourse.

I admire Jane Austen deeply... and salute her wit, her intellect, her sensibility and her spirit.

And I wish to add to my blog, some great quotes by this great woman..

How wonderful, how very wonderful the operations of time, and the changes of the human mind!…If any one faculty of our nature may be called more wonderful than the rest, I do think it is memory. There seems something more speakingly incomprehensible in the powers, the failures, the inequalities of memory, than in any other of our intelligences. The memory is sometimes so retentive, so serviceable, so obedient; at others, so bewildered and so weak; and at others again, so tyrannic, so beyond control! We are, to be sure, a miracle every way; but our powers of recollecting and of forgetting do seem peculiarly past finding out." -Fanny Price, Mansfield Park

Nothing amuses me more than the easy manner with which everybody settles the abundance of those who have a great deal less than themselves. - Mansfield Park

"Here's harmony!" said she; "here's repose! Here's what may leave all painting and all music behind, and what poetry only can attempt to describe! Here's what may tranquilize every care, and lift the heart to rapture! When I look out on such a night as this, I feel as if there could be neither wickedness nor sorrow in the world; and there certainly would be less of both if the sublimity of Nature were more attended to, and people were carried more out of themselves by contemplating such a scene." Fanny Price, Mansfield Park

It was a very proper wedding. The bride was elegantly dressed; the two bridesmaids were duly inferior; her father gave her away; her mother stood with salts in her hand, expecting to be agitated; her aunt tried to cry; and the service was impressively read by Dr. Grant. - Mansfield Park

I am worn out with civility," said he. "I have been talking incessantly all night, and with nothing to say. But with you, Fanny, there may be peace. You will not want to be talked to. Let us have the luxury of silence." Edmund Bertram, Mansfield Park

Henry Crawford had too much sense not to feel the worth of good principles in a wife, though he was too little accustomed to serious reflection to know them by their proper name. - Mansfield Park

The glory of heroism, of usefulness, of exertion, of endurance, made his own habits of selfish indulgence appear in shameful contrast; and he wished he had been a William Price, distinguishing himself and working his way to fortune and consequence with so much self-respect and happy ardour, instead of what he was! - The narrator on Henry Crawford, Mansfield Park

She had feeling, genuine feeling. It would be something to be loved by such a girl, to excite the first ardours of her young unsophisticated mind! She interested him more than he had foreseen. A fortnight was not enough. His stay became indefinite. The Narrator, Mansfield Park

"I shall always look back on our theatricals with exquisite pleasure. There was such an interest, such an animation, such a spirit diffused. Everybody felt it. We were all alive. There was employment, hope, solicitude, bustle, for every hour of the day. Always some little objection, some little doubt, some little anxiety to be got over. I never was happier."
With silent indignation Fanny repeated to herself, "Never happier!-never happier than when doing what you must know was not justifiable!-never happier than when behaving so dishonourably and unfeelingly! Oh! what a corrupted mind!" -Henry Crawford & Fanny Price, Mansfield Park

Though she had known the pains of tyranny, of ridicule, and neglect, yet almost every recurrence of either had led to something consolatory…Edmund had been her champion and her friend: he had supported her cause or explained her meaning, he had told her not to cry, or had given her some proof of affection which made her tears delightful; and the whole was now so blended together, so harmonised by distance, that every former affliction had its charm. The Narrator on Fanny Price, Mansfield Park

You will think me rhapsodising; but when I am out of doors, especially when I am sitting out of doors, I am very apt to get into this sort of wondering strain. One cannot fix one's eyes on the commonest natural production without finding food for a rambling fancy." Fanny Price, Mansfield Park

Oh! do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch. - Mansfield Park

I cannot think well of a man who sports with any woman's feelings; and there may often be a great deal more suffered than a stander-by can judge of. - Mansfield Park

(I love this one!) The intimacy bw them daily increased till at length it grew to such a pitch that they did not scruple to kick one another out of the window at the slightest provocation.. - Mansfield Park

The enthusiasm of a woman's love is even beyond the biographer's. - Mansfield Park

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Mansfield Park

We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be. - Mansfield Park

Men have had every advantage of us in telling their own story. Education has been theirs in so much higher a degree; the pen has been in their hands. I will not allow books to prove anything - Mansfield Park

Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings - Mansfield Park

From the movie adapatation of Mansfield Park

Fanny Price: [referring to Henry Crawford] I do not trust him, sir.
Sir Thomas Bertram: What do you distrust?
Fanny Price: His nature, sir. Like many charming people, he conceals an almost absolute dependence on the appreciation of others.
Sir Thomas Bertram: And what is the terrible ill in that?
Fanny Price: His sole interest is in being loved, sir, not in loving.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. - Pride and Prejudice

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously.... Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us. - Pride and Prejudice

(An excellent quote) How little of permanent happiness could belong to a couple who were only brought together because their passions were stronger than their virtue. - Pride and Prejudice

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life. - Pride and Prejudice

(Another quote which has both sense, truth and satire in it) For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn? - Pride and Prejudice

In every power, of which taste is the foundation, excellence is pretty fairly divided between the sexes. - Northanger Abbey

Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.- Northanger Abbey

But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way. - Northanger Abbey

Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. - Emma

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. - Emma

I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. - Emma

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. - Emma

The real evils, indeed, of Emma's situation were the power of having rather too much her own way, and a disposition to think a little too well of herself - Emma

I shall not be a poor old maid; and it is poverty only which makes celibacy contemptible to a generous public! A single woman, with a very narrow income, must be a ridiculous, disagreeable old maid! the proper sport of boys and girls, but a single woman, of good fortune, is always respectable, and may be as sensible and pleasant as any body else. - Emma

Where little minds belong to rich people in authority, I think they have a knack of swelling out, till they are quite as unmanageable as great ones - Emma

Mr. Knightley, in fact, was one of the few people who could see faults in Emma Woodhouse, and the only one who ever told her of them.... - Emma

Vanity working on a weak head, produces every sort of mischief. - Emma

There is one thing, Emma, which a man can always do, if he chooses, and that is, his duty - Emma

The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love - Emma

Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised, or a little mistaken - Emma

(An interesting quote) I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. - Jane Austen

To sit in the shade on a fine day, and look upon verdure is the most perfect refreshment.- Jane Austen

(Shrewd and witty) Business, you know, may bring you money, but friendship hardly ever does. - Jane Austen

Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies. - Jane Austen

(Intelligent observation) General benevolence, but not general friendship, makes a man what he ought to be. - Jane Austen

How quick come the reasons for approving what we like! - Jane Austen

Human nature is so well disposed towards those who are in interesting situations, that a young person, who either marries or dies, is sure of being kindly spoken of.- Jane Austen

What wild imaginations one forms where dear self is concerned! How sure to be mistaken! - Jane Austen

What is right to be done cannot be done too soon - Jane Austen

There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart - Jane Austen

There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. - Jane Austen

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid. - Jane Austen

Good-humoured, unaffected girls, will not do for a man who has been used to sensible women. They are two distinct orders of being - Jane Austen

One man's ways may be as good as another's, but we all like our own best. - Jane Austen

One does not love a place the less for having suffered in it, unless it has been all suffering, nothing but suffering - Jane Austen

(!!!) My sore throats are always worse than anyone's - Jane Austen

My idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company. - Jane Austen

Madness born and borne...!

There was an infant pink rose budding in the garden.. and I had my eyes on it..
On a pretty day, I reached out my hand to gently touch it.. but its thorns pricked me..
Hurt, I wondered why the pretty rose had pricked me, when I had meant it no harm and when I only liked it so much..
The bud 's hue had grown a richer rose shade.. as though nourished by the drop of blood it had wrung from my hand.It was more blooming and prettier than ever.
And then, Life glided along, pale-faced and thin-lipped but beautiful.. She had a wise forehead.. and looked at me with a wistful mouth and sorrowful eyes and whispered "Have u learned?"
"Learned what?" I wondered..
She shook her pretty dark head sadly and disappeared.

I saw her again, the day my kitten died.
He was just 7 weeks old.. I could easily hold him in the palm of my hand, if he would sit still.. which he rarely did.
He was lying stiff and still, outside our gate, all its playfulness and vivacity gone.. with a wicked hole on its tiny hind leg..
Sobbing my heart out, I felt a cold hand on my forehead.
I looked up and then there she was, looking at me pityingly..
"People die, day in day out.. Mothers loose children.. Children loose parents.. People get killed, not knowing why.. and die without saying goodbyes. And you cry over your kitten?"
I looked at her in awe and dried my silly tears..
"Have you not learned yet?" she asked me softly..
"What?" I mumbled..
"Have u not learned that the living die and that they struggle while they live.
Have u not learned that, just as u feel joy, so shall u feel sorrow..
And while joys disappear as soon as they come, sorrows linger.
Therefore, stop feeling. Harden your mind.
Be immune to the early rays of the sun, thus u will be immune to the thunder and storm..
Focus! Calculate! Schedule! Your profits alone should be your goal.."

I recited these wise but cold words in my mind, till I knew it by-heart..
But still.. the rays of the rising sun filled me with joy each time it rose.
Grey clouds darkened my days when they came.
Dew drops and rain drops brought music and fresh life.
Thunder, Lightning and Storm brought fear and despair.
Roses delighted, thorns pricked..
I felt afresh every joy, every sorrow, sense of pride, regret, laughter, anger, despair, hope, life and monotony.

Life met me, now and then.. and each time we met she was more beautiful and alluring.
But the sorrow of her eyes had evolved into bitterness...
And the wistfulness of her mouth had grown into a cruel smile...
"Have u not learned?" she kept asking..
"No.. not yet.."
She would laugh haughtily at me.. and walk away in scorn, still looking beautiful.
She grew more cruel and tyrannical as time went on..
She pummeled me, tripped me unawares and would shriek "Have you not learned?!"
"No.. not yet.." I would reply.
Her eyes had become blood shot.. her lips were blood red and stood out against her pale glowing skin.. She was beautiful still.. but cruel.
At times, she amused herself by laying a heavy hand on my shoulder and sending me staggering down to my knees..
"Have u not learned?"
"No.. not yet"...

And then I saw her one day..
She had the eyes of a fanatic.. frenzied.. lost
Her mouth was that of a vampire.. surviving on human pain.
In the fading light, her pale skin glowed luminously..
Her dark head was all tumbled down in unkempt curls..
She fell on me with madness and slapped me.
Threw me down with mad force.. and dragged me over the rough pavements..
She kicked me mercilessly and I heard the crunching sound of broken bones..
She laughed coldly... and asked me "Have you not learned yet?"
"No... not yet." My voice sounded so distant.. tired and weak but firm
"I am willing to cry, in order to have the power to smile..
I dont want to shut my eyes on joy, glory and good for fear of sorrow, gloom and evil.
While I live, I want to live, not merely exist...
I have not learned.. Nor shall you ever teach me"
"The more the fool you are" she spat on my face laughing scornfully.. and left me
Then there was darkness..
Time ticked on in the iced stillness...
And then, from somewhere distant and yet nearby, I heard a sorrowing soulful and ethereal music...
Are not broken flutes mute? Can they utter notes? I think, no..
Yet, I knew that this was the muted music from a broken flute..
It floated around me in vacuum and encompassed me, welling with the agony of un-despairing hope...

Nothing

I want to stand by the sea-side, and to stoop down and scoop a handful of sand and to watch the sand trickle from between my clutched fingers slowly - till I am left with nothing.


Nothing.

In the hands of God

Whenever i go through difficult times, I loose heart quickly... but coming to UAE where the sound of Aazaan rings loud and clear.. I have learned to gather my courage. Bcoz when i loose heart.. I hear words over the loudspeaker "God is Great"... a reminder, an assurance..

I want to shortly 2 instances of inspiring stories I had read in mail forwards... which most of u must have read sometime or the other.. But I use it here to remind me and remind those who are in need of it...

1. A mountaineer hikes up the heights of a mountain when suddenly he is caught in a storm.. and he looses his grip and falls down the side of the mountain. But, thanks to the rope tied round his waist.. his fall is broken off at the point where the length of the rope unfolds completely... and tenses up against the leverage point of the pickaxe.. Bruised, our man holds on to the rope.., hanging midway down the mountain, and prays to God "God, help me".. and God says "Ok.. I will help you. But do u trust me?" Man says : " I do".
God: " then untie the rope off ur waist and let go."
Our man holds on to the rope in silence...

Next day they found a mountaineer frozen to death, hanging from a rope, inches above the ground.

2. Another story runs like this...
Man to God : "Oh God.. In good times, i felt ur presence and always found a pair of footsteps close to my own. Whose footsteps were those?"
God: "They were mine.. I always kept u company and watched over u day and night".

Man : "But when i went through difficult times, i found that the other footsteps tracks had vanished.. I was on my own. Why did u leave me? U had said that u will always be by my side".
God: "Those tracks that u saw on the ground were made by me. In ur difficult phase, I was carrying you".

Both stories are beautiful in their symbolic value... The first one teaches to trust God and not question Him. And the second one teaches us that God is always there with us.. and more so during our difficult times, always ready to help... all we need to do is to extend our hands towards him with a non-greedy and a grateful heart which loves His company in good times as well.

Once,back home, i went to the goldsmith to fix my chain.. I watched as he took my chain.. and applied some stuff on it and then heated it up with a greenish flame till the metal grew grey.. and then he dipped it in cold water mixed with some powder.. He repeated this process several times.. and i watched aghast.. Finally, he took the chain and washed it in water and patted it dry and returned it to me more shiny and prettier than ever.
It reminded me of my mother's words about how God moulded human beings through trials... How He would put heat our hearts up and hammer away on it with tongs and dip it in ice cold water while we burned away.. and how He would even repeat it.. till we are made strong enough.. and better. In God's hands, there is no harm. I am safe there.

Last week, i lost the 2nd round of interview for a job. I got down from a cab and walked towards home crestfallen... and i looked up towards the clouds.. There high above the ground.. about 20 stories high, I saw a man perched up with a concrete slab on a shaky metallic plank pulled up by a crane.. in the hot sun. If that man who could risk his life for his piece of bread, could go through life fighting and struggling and find it worth his while.., I had no business feeling sad and complaining.

I have so much to be grateful for.Thank you God.

2 mins at a traffic block

Today I was late to office (its not a new thing, ofcourse) and so I hired an auto from my doorstep to my bus stop and was eventually caught in the bangalorean traffic…
I was impatient and wondering whom to curse when I happened to see a school bus to my right.
There was a lot of bustling activity within, and I cudnt help but watch the little brats.
There were kids of different ages…. Mostly small boys and girls and a little more senior girls…
The little boys were the most active in the group…
Most of them were seated on the back seats of the bus, and 4 boys were fighting – making fists at each other… and gesticulating with their hands…
They were even leaving their seats and running around.
Little girls were chattering, probably gossiping about ghosts and miracles..
They leaned forward and backward on their seats, as though they were restless but still reluctant to get up.
And the senior girls with neat platted pig tails on both sides, were bent over the books, hurriedly reading away…
Looked like they were revising yesterday’s portion and preparing for questions from some rigorous dedicated teacher…

I was enjoying the action and the buzz inside that bus… carrying its load of restless, important little people with their little keen minds eager to understand the complex world that surrounds them. And I was very happy with the little boys, and slightly disappointed with the more demure little girls…
Those 2 mins in the traffic took me 2 decades back to school when I ruled in my own little world.

2 decades back I was a better human being …
Starting life with an open mind, a trusting disposition, a fuller spirit and a bigger heart.
And yes, restless too.

Escapades like biting my van driver’s hand to set me free from his grasp and running away to cross the road on my own… and getting all the sympathy while narrowly escaping getting run over by an auto, while subjecting the bewildered and bitten driver to an outpour of local theries by the aaya of the school…. I remember that evening the driver had a band-aid plastered on his hand…

Memories of scaling up to the heights of a mango tree along with my brother and his friends.. and proudly bringing back a green raw mango for my mother to share with her.. And instead of being rewarded and praised for my accomplishment, I was caned for “stealing” a mango from the park… Grown-ups always introduced this unpredictable twist into our simple lives!!!

Days of rain, when I would run out on the terrace with my umbrella and rain-coat and then run around in the rain (sans the umbrella and raincoat) and throw strips of paper on the floor to see it float (coz tho I wished to make a paper boat I never knew how), and then being dragged off the terrace by mother and being ordered to take a bath. And after having dried my hair, sneaking off to the terrace a second time, to be found out by my mother once again and being caned simply coz a kid was fascinated with the rain..

Days of primitive, unsophisticated selfishness…. When I broke the attractive glass covering of the 2 identical pencilbox cases I had brought for me and my bestfriend, I gifted the broken pencilbox to her with a straight face – and to this date, I get teased for this act.

Days of rowdyism, when I smashed a boy against the wall simply coz he told me he wont give me my umbrella back unless I fought with him.. Likewise chasing a classmate with the cardboard examination board coz he called me a “chakka”…
And a funny day when I pretended to cry by rubbing my eyes, and scared the class monitor to rub my name off the board from the list of the talkative pple..
And a brilliant day when I was punished by a nun I loved and love to this day, by making me stand in front of the class with my tie tied like a tail and the message written on the board “I AM A MONKEY”….

Brilliant days – beautiful memories – the best part of a lifetime lived with genuine spirit, and genuine companionship…
And these moments flashed by as I stared at the lucky kids within that school bus…
And just as the vehichles began to move a small girl rose from the seat, and lightly thrashed the conductor on the hand and grinned straight on his face..
And I broke into a smile..
Old playground, new players.
Maybe when a retired cricketer watches a young blood hit an unpredictable six, he feels the same way I did…
“Brilliant… well done!!!”